Awards Won :
'Most Friendly Taylor Swift Blog' hosted by itsathugstory.tumblr.com
'Best Taylor Swift Blog' hosted by justalibertywalk.tumblr.com
'Top 5 best Taylor Swift blog'-1st place: hosted by fear13less.tumblr.com
'Most Friendly and Respectful Taylor Swift Blog' hosted by fear13less.tumblr.com
'Most dedicated followers' hosted by fear13less.tumblr.com

 spark(s)
hits

Me: I know...I know I'm flawed. I'm just unhappy...depressed...I want you back...I want our love back.
Ryan: It never left. Why can't you see that?
Me: Because I don't feel it anymore.
"The Salt in my wounds isn’t burning anymore than it use to. It’s not that I don’t feel the pain, it’s just that I’m not afraid of hurting anymore, and the blood in these veins isn’t pumping any less than it ever has, and that’s the hope I have, the only thing I know that’s keeping me alive."
—Paramore

So there’s a chance I could be going to Monterrey in June to visit Ryan. If there isn’t going to be a wedding (at this time) we at least need to be with each other. I told him that I won’t be able to be here, home, in North Carolina around June 18. It will break me. 

thanks to Ryan I was able to get some money in my checking account so I won’t be in the negative numbers. Thank you baby. <3

Well Ryan talked to his superior today…they basically said that his teachers like him and believe he has potential so they’re giving him until the next test to make a big decision on whether he stays or doesn’t…..in the mean time, I really don’t know what to do about the wedding and wedding plans….

went to the airport to pick up my aunt and just got home not long ago but man, when I was at the airport I can’t tell you how tempted I was to just get on a plane and fly to Monterrey. 

It’s going to be a long 2 weeks. 

well…Ryan failed both the listening section AND the reading section….he doesn’t know anything about what they’ll decide to do with him (reclass him, roll him back or discharge) until next week sometime when he has his counseling session. 

IF they decide to roll him back, reclass or discharge him there’s no way he can come home in June for the wedding. The only way he’ll be able to come home in June is if they decide to keep him in his current class…which what are the odds of that happening?

My dress has been bought….invitations have been ordered….chairs have been ordered…..the venue has been reserved/bought…..for what? 

Again…let down…somebody in the universe doesn’t want us married and idk why….I don’t know what we did to deserve this but it’s not fair. 

OMG I WON’T KNOW ABOUT RYAN’S TEST UNTIL SOMETIME THIS EVENING. SERIOUSLY. I’M TRYING MY HARDEST NOT TO EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT AND TRYING TO BREATHE….at least, every so often. *sigh*

well Ryan won’t know about his test until tomorrow….the speaking portion of the test he knows he passed but the reading/writing he’s not so sure about (the reading is what he NEEDS to pass) so in the mean time it’s more stress and frustration and worry and praying and hoping for a miracle. 

© THEME